Friday, May 2, 2014

The Narrator

Here is the first draft of my first comedy sketch I wrote for the UCB Sketch class 101.

The Narrator.

Critique from Class:

The overall idea went over well at the table read.  The basic notes were to have the 'sex-talk' happen later.  And to have the Narrator be too-honest initially.   So Jimmy would be caught in little white-lies and the narrator would say the truth.

So your a doctor?

Jimmy wasn't REALLY a doctor, but rather a Vetenarian.

Well it's kind of a doctor! For Pets!

The idea is that much more small talk of Jimmy being called out in his white lies would occur before Jimmy blows up at the Narrator and insults his voice or something similar.

THEN the Narrator starts to lie and mess with Jimmy.

As it reads right now its' unclear if Jimmy wants these things to happen, or if the Narrator is actually lying.. so establishing the conflict in the sketch would be funnier.  That and the silly back tracking of the white lies during the small talk would also add some comedy.

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